Under-my-skin-redesign

Üks asi on redisaini teha, teine asi seda elada. Täna mina elan redisaini täiel rinnal.

Tegin oma viimase lennu oktoobris 2010 - ehk siis peaaegu-täpselt 4 aastat tagasi. Helsinki-Istanbul-Gaziantep ja punkt. Tagasi tulin juba bussiga, reis kestis 4 ööpäeva ja:

• Oli ohtlik - teel Gaziantepist Istanbuli jäi bussijuht magama ja ärkasin sireeni peale, mida otse vastu sõitev rekkajuht tuututas. Kusjuures istusin esimesel istmel ja nautisin pmst VIPi vaadet! ;)
• Oli sõbralik - teel Istanbulist Sofiasse pani lahke türklane mulle öösõidu ajal padja pea alla ning tegi varahommikul Sofias kohvi välja. 
• Oli multikultuurne - Serbia narkokontrolli ja reisijatega sai rääkida nii algaja türgi, saksa, vene kui ka mitte nii algaja inglise keelt. Kõik arvasid, et olen mingi väga kummaline üksik reisija. Ilmselt olingi.
• Oli segadusttekitav - õhtul Budapesti jõudes sai selgeks, et sealt edasi otse Poola poole läheb buss ainult kaks korda nädalas. 
• Oli spontaanne - Budapestis hüppasin 15 minuti jooksul tehtud otsuse ja altkäemaksuga Praha bussile. 
• Oli sujuv - Prahast sai ilusti ainult paaritunnise vahega viimase koha bussile, mis sõitis ka Tallinnas, mulle oli ruumi aga ainult Vilniuseni. 
• Oli vastutulelik - Vilniuse ööpimeduses bussijaama astudes tuli bussijuht välja ja ütles, et ruumi on mulle ka Tallinnani, kus ma ikka niimoodi öösel ja üksinda ühe lambiga bussijaama jään. 
• Kuid ennekõike oli see reis väga väsitav!

Ma ei läinud enda hirmu maha murdma, vaid lasin sellel seedida. Käisin teraapias, vaatasin lennukeid ja lihtsalt lasin sel olla. 

Tegelikult olin juba kord üritanud seda hirmu murda. Mitmeid aastaid pidasin lendamist väga igavaks ja ei kartnud isegi kord äikesetormis õhkutõusu. Kuid aja möödudes hakkas väike hirm tekkima ja mida rohkem seda otserünnakuga murdsin ja maha laitsin, seda suuremaks kasvas. 

Vot siis, aga täna lähen Sloveeniasse! Ja kõigest sellest, ka kaasapakitud taaskasutus-outfitidest, juba järgmiste nädalate jooksul, mil seal maailma päästmise kohta õpin, Ljubljanat avastan ja spas kuumaveeallikaid naudin! ;)

 Selfie - me and sleeping Kai in Helsinki airport, Jana sitting right to me. Feeling like the queen of the world for having made my first flight after four years from Tallinn to Helsinki! Juhuu! :D

Its one thing to do redesign, another thing to live it. 

My last flight was in October 2010 - almost exactly 4 years ago. Helsinki-Istanbul-Gaziantep and full stop. Back I came already by bus, the trip lasted 4 nights and days and:

• Was dangerous - on the way from Gaziantep to Istanbul I woke up to sirens coming from a truck heading straight forward us. And I was sitting first row, kind of a VIP view! ;)
• Was friendly - on the way from Istanbul to Sofia a friendly Turk tucked a pillow under my head and brought morning coffee already in Sofia.
• Was multicultural - with Serbian drug control and bus travelers could practice my beginners Turkish, German, Russian, as well as not so beginners English. Everyone thought I was somekind of a strange lonely traveler. And probably I was.
• Was confusing - after arriving to Budapest late in the evening it became clear that bus leaves to Poland only twice a week.
• Was spontaneous - during 15 minutes I decided in Budapest to jump on a bus to Prague and payed the bribe, so I could hop on.
• Was smooth - from Prague a bus left to Tallinn only with a couple hours difference and I got the last place until Vilnius.
• Was complying - when I stepped into the darkness of Vilnius bus station, the bus driver came out and said that there is room for me until Tallinn too, how could I stay in the night time in this bus station with one lamp only.
• But most of all, it was tiring.

I didnt aim for braking the fear down, I digested it. Went to therapy, did plane spotting and just let it be. 

Actually I already had tried to break it down. For several years I had considered flying to be very boring and didnt feel fearful even on a take off during thunder storm. But during travels a little fear started to develop, and the more I faced it head on by discrediting, the more it grew.

And today Im going to Slovenia, by plane. About it, as well as about the reuse-outfits packed along, during next weeks, when Ill be discovering Ljubljana city life, learning about saving the world and enjoying the hot springs in a spa! ;)

Right before the trip at 4 a.m. trying out all natural henna hair color!