Boss lifestyle

An ideal working day at home could look like this: Curled up in warm Soviet time blankets (which didn`t make it to Marit Ilisons material box ;) ) with a slightly wrinkled 90s power woman dress, feeling all focused and pretty.

Ever since I had my first clock governed job, I dreamt of becoming my own boss. It was a naive dream of freedom. Well, after all how hard could it be - making decisions and agreements for realizing those decisions all day long. Seemed just the thing for me! And self discipline? That didn`t even cross my mind! Obviously such an enjoyable job would simply make itself happen! Haha!
But what I didn`t realize back then was that habits have deep roots. Like really deep! We are very used to wake up in the morning and go to work, because we have agreed to do so in exchange for some money. We are very used to pick up different tasks at work, because that`s what we are supposed to do at work. We were already very used to wake up early every morning to go to school, because our parents told us to do so and the society wouldn`t have had it any other way either. And we were very used to complete all of our home tasks, instead of doing the ones we`d actually have had enjoyed, because otherwise our parents and teachers would have considered us problematic failures.

Well, now I am my own boss. And so far it hasn`t looked like almost anything I dreamed of! Haha! But it`s starting to. 
At first I had ideas about what I`d wish to do, greatly distorted by what I thought would be appreciated by the people and society around me though. Then I really needed to look for outside motivators for starting with something - like convincing myself by giving a "valid reason". After all, the boss had always been standing outside of me and so the reason needed to come from there -  outside! :D The more I started to go in the direction of my very own ideas, however, the more I started to worry - if it is ok to do things in a way I wish to do them, what would others think and what if it all fails - after all, I was now responsible for taking the decisions to do whatever I decided to do. And sometimes, when I encountered failures or worked for a longer term goal, it became really hard to motivate myself even to get up in the mornings. Like really hard, because only I was governing the clock in my life schedule. Huge burden! :D

But I read and looked for inspiration, asked for advice, failed a lot more, still kept experimenting (probably because I`m simply very stubborn) and kept getting up (even if slept in one day, still got up on time the next), danced a lot, cried a lot, got a bottle of wine couple of times, brainstormed over my failures and set new goals. And then took a couple of decisions which were also hard to get into my brain, it too took constant practice:

• Disconnected my self-worth from my work.
• Agreed with myself that step by step is good enough and doing as much as I can as well as I can during one day is good enough too.
• Decided to improve concentration (yoga) always concentrate to one thing fully, not loose time by trying to do all at once.
• Created a rhythm for the day, and doing yoga after waking up was a big part of that.
• Decided that there is absolutely nothing to be afraid of.
• Accepted the mistakes as a thing of the past which are meant to be let go. However, first taking responsibility for them.
• Decided to do something nice for myself every day, even allowing oneself to get enough sleep or rest at times is included in this one.
• Absolutely and absolutely decided to share with people in my life and not leave them out because of too many things to do!
• Kept cake brakes, since it is an ancient habit of mine, for really rough days - at least for a while!

The being my own boss life started for me roughly two years ago and only now can I tell that I have actually started to enjoy it and at the same time see it progressing the way I actually like. And even though it has been rough all this time, hopeless at some times, it has been absolutely the most rewarding thing I could have done for myself - I`ve finally learned to know my true colors (at least to a certain extent). And knowing myself a bit better, truly is the beginning of empowerment. Yet the best thing is having let go of my former fear based mentality in which some things were just too scary to do, some people just too scary to confront! Haha! :)    

Doesn`t mean I wouldn`t sometimes still like to hide out under a ton of blankets! ;)